Famous People #70: Summer House S1E10, Carl goes out with a bang
Lizzie: This is the finale, if you can believe it. 10 episodes, 11 weeks, and many pages of notes about Everett’s hair later, we’ve gotten through the inaugural season of Summer House. No one is making us do this, or really even indicating support in any way. As is Bravo tradition, this episode includes montages and recaps of past episodes, in case we’ve somehow already forgotten what happened. But we’re the ones doing the recapping here, so there’s a tension.
We open where Kaitlyn left off last week, with Kyle confessing his makeouts of the summer to Amanda, in an attempt at cleaning the slate before they give the whole committed relationship thing another go. Amanda gets what I think is her first straight-to-camera talking head of the season, hinting at her official Summer House cast status to come. Kyle tells us, “This night isn’t going to end with a mating call.”
Fast forward to Saturday, where everyone is putting on their best white fits for another one of those tequila-sponsored Hampton parties in big tents that this crew can’t get enough of. Carl and Lauren are finally in a great place, according to Lauren, but the clock is against them, also according to Lauren, even though they live in the same city, according to the premise of this show.
Everett and Lindsay decide to move in together when Everett puts on his best Christian Bale voice and says, “The last few months has tested the fabric of our relationship like whoa. What’s transpired has made us stronger.” To camera, Lindsay says she gives them a 50/50 chance of making it work.
The crew takes the “Hampton Hopper” (little turquoise bus) to the party. Kyle is very excited because the party is going to have a “girl’s band” or a “girls’ band,” or possibly even “a girls band.” He’s so excited in fact, that he lets his commitment to supporting the girls band override his commitment to being nice to Amanda. Here’s what happens: the girls band is singing on a little platform, and Kyle, Christina, and Amanda are watching. Christina starts talking about how they’re obviously lip-syncing and Amanda is laughing with her. Kyle doesn’t approve of this cross-chatter while the girls are performing, which normally I would understand, except for the fact that they’re at a party where people care more about how cold the rosé is than how good the choreographed dance is. And Kyle is really heated.
Kyle shushes Christina a few times and when she keeps laughing he says, “Are you dumb? Take a time out.” Then Amanda, more gently than he deserves, tells him to “dial it back.” Then Kyle says, “You should both shut up.” This kind of pointless escalation is not something we like to see from our boy Kyle. Unfortunately it gets worse, because Kyle takes it from here and does the thing everyone else has been doing all summer: blames Christina. As they scream at each other by the bathrooms, Kyle tells Christina that (1) even Bieber uses a backing track, (2) he’s done being her friend, and (3) that she needs to stop talking to “the girl I’m trying to date.” Kyle refers to Amanda as “the girl I’m trying to date” about 4 times in this scene, and I hate to even suggest it, but it does feel like he has forgotten her name.
Now we have to talk about Carl. The boys of Summer House do not come out looking good this episode. All day, Carl and Lauren have been PDA hive. He’s picking her up, she’s sitting on his lap, he tells her he can bench press her “so easily.” Lauren tells Carl he needs to sleep with her on this night, their last night in the house, and Carl says, very seriously, “I’m with you tonight.”
I’ve obviously seen this episode before, but even I was shocked by what happened next…
They go out to a second location, and before we know it, Carl is missing. Everyone gets back home around 2am and no one knows where Carl is. The editing team really ramps up the suspense here with some dramatic music and shots of everyone sleeping soundly in their beds. Then, at 5:23am, we get this:
From behind a pole, a shot of a thin white blob designated “Carl’s friend.” They go to sleep, but not before Carl stares directly into the bedroom camera like he’s just been caught robbing a bank. Early the next morning, Carl walks Friend out to an idling car.
It’s a double-eyebrow-raise from me, and a weird move from Carl, though it does help support his “I’m a self-sabotager” case. Kyle says, “Here I am thinking I’m a massive dick and Carl goes AWOL and brings a random chick back. That’s douche level times 1000.”
Lauren takes the whole thing surprisingly well, at least on camera. After Carl recharges with an IV drip, he tells Lauren, “I’ve had a really emotional day internally.” She basically tells him he needs to sort his shit out and he says, “Your compassion is awesome.” Big lol.
Christina leaves the house once and for all, but not before one last embarrassing scene. She grabs a giant bottle of rosé off the table where everyone is sitting and says, “Christina Gibson reporting live from the Summer House, I’m out!” Again, just really hard to root for Christina through a full body cringe.
Now that Christina’s gone, we have a nice final dinner in Montauk. Carl gets one last wear of his white pants, Kyle burns the lobster tails, Ashley cries because she’s going home to Husband Brad tomorrow, Stephen tells us he learned what a “Hot Carl” was in 4th grade, and Kyle gives Amanda flowers.
It’s an anti-climatic ending with a lot of hugging and no one mad at anyone else. Three more seasons to go!
KEY FACTS & FIGURES
Is Carl still employed?
Yes, I guess his commissions didn’t suffer in Season 1.
Does Kyle wear a wig?
Not a wig kind of finale.
Drink of choice?
Not rosé, since Christina took the bottle home with her.
Summer Fun levels:
Ashley says she has the Summer Scaries, and so do we.